I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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