a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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