it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
