you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We just shotgunned beers for America
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
