Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
