OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need help removing her.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize