I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
