Sry I called you an 8
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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