it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
