either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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