i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
