i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
