It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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