help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
