I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
