grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
