Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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