so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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