Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
