hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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