She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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