Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
