Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
