I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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