If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
