He uses pillows to masturbate.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
50% drunk capacity currently
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
