i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
