it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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