woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wish there were birth control emojis
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
