Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
