Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
