So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
