were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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