he puts the penis in happiness.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
