it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize