I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
