how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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