just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
