All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
