Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
May the power of my ass compel you!!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
