I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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