Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
