like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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