I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
