Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
