Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
