i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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