alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
