Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
