I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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