pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
this is an emotional support booty call
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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