That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I love having hate sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
