i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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