she was so not down for the gang bang
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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