You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
