That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Randomize
