yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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