He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize