So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize