I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My bed smells like the plague
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
