so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
