i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
