He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
