based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
