Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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