i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
