I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
