I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Couch. On fire.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
